Dead Bedroom
Tori Douglas on May 1st 2023
Are things slowing down in your relationship sexually? Is your bedroom dead? Dead bedrooms are where little to no sex is happening in a relationship. Sex and intimacy go hand in hand, and both can receed from your relationship over time. The term dead bedroom is subjective and can mean different things to different people. One couple might have sex once a month or less and that works for them, while another couple might have sex weekly and consider that a dead bedroom. Whatever is out of the ordinary for you will decide that magic number that constitutes a dead bedroom.
If both partners are ok with the situation, there is no problem. Lack of sex does not mean the relationship is over. People can be content with no sex in a relationship. There is so much more to a relationship than sex, although it can be an important component of a healthy relationship.
Though, if one partner wants sex or is unsatisfied, this can be a major hurdle for the relationship to jump. It can not only leave that partner unfulfilled sexually, but cause pain, loneliness, and rejection. It can also cause the partner not wanting sex to feel guilt about not providing what their partner needs in the bedroom. No one owes anyone sex, and no one should be pressured into sex to please their partner. If you are both willing and able, however, a dead bedroom can be brought back to life.
One way to revive a dead bedroom is to restore intimacy without sex. Intimacy can mean many things. Talking about your day, holding hands, kissing, all of these things can build intimacy. Plan date nights and spend time together. You should also be willing to talk about the underlying reason your sex life tapered off to begin with. It could be as simple as getting older and your libido falling off. There might, however, be an underlying reason that you can work through. Good communication is always key, whether in a relationship or in a sexual encounter. It may be hard and bring up painful topics, but talking through these issues either with each other or with a therapist can be incredibly beneficial to your relationship.
To ease back into sex, start small. Spend some time kissing and touching without sex. Give each other a massage with your favorite oils. Get to know each other's bodies and how they respond to touch. Tell each other what feels good. Talk about your fantasies and try putting them into action. Again, do not be pressured into doing something you do not want to do. If there is anything you do not want to do, talk to your partner and keep the lines of communication open.
If a dead bedroom is a problem in your relationship, it is a problem that can be handled together. Being open and honest with your partner can help pave the way into a future where your bedroom is alive and well.