Even now, in 2022, there is a certain amount of shame associated with sex and sexuality. We here at your favorite adult store, Badd Kitty, feel that you should never feel shame about sex. It is a natural and healthy part of adult life. It is a basic instinct such as food, shelter, water and safety. Science puts sex in this same category. Being positive about sex begins in your own sex life.
Unfortunately shame is still associated with sex and sexuality. Many people struggle with feelings of negativity about their sex life. If you do, you are not alone. Sex and the concept of sin have been long intertwined. Especially for women, virtue was important before marriage. In these modern times, this is valued less, but purity culture does still exist. Promiscuity , whether real or perceived, shapes many people’s opinions. Slut shaming is alive and well, and can be internalized.
Feeling different or like you are "other" can also cause shame. The LGBTQ+ community can be especially the victim of both sex shaming and feeling shame themselves. Although attitudes are changing, there will always be a core of people who will fear and hate what is different.
Shame can be caused because of our bodies also. The societal desire for perfection can put a lot of pressure on both men and women to be ashamed of their own bodies. Coming to terms with how you look, and making reasonable changes to improve how you look and feel, can help minimize body shame. No one is perfect, no matter what we see in the media. Take that pressure to look or feel perfect off yourself.
The first step to overcoming any of these forms of shame is to accept yourself. Accept your body, your sexuality, and your own wants and needs. Start to explore your own sexuality, alone or with a trusted partner, to get to know yourself. Once you are comfortable with yourself, it is easier to share that sexuality with others and be able to overcome shame. Feeling confident and feeling comfortable within your own sexuality can help you not be so affected by external shame from society. This is especially true for kinks. Shame has long been connected with the concept of kinks. As long as it is safe, sane, and consensual between adults, kinks are not something to hide away, but something to explore.
We deserve to live without shame about our sex life. We deserve to enjoy sex, either alone or with a partner or partners. We all deserve sexual pleasure, whatever shape that takes for us as individuals. We know what we like and what we want in our sexual lives, and if not we should be able to explore those aspects of our sexual personality with abandon. Sex and sexuality are part of the adult human experience, so shame about it is pointless.
We are not advocating you must shout your sexual proclivities from the mountain top, unless that's your thing. You do not even have to be particularly proud of your sexual desires. You just should definitely not be ashamed. Carrying shame about sex can have a negative impact on your mental health.