Pegging is anal sex where one partner wears a strap-on dildo in a harness and penetrates the other, most often a woman with a man, though any couple can try it. Pegging for beginners: talk first, start small, use thick lube, go slowly.
By the Badd Kitty boutique team · Updated October 2026
Key takeaways
- What is pegging? A partner wearing a strap-on penetrates the other partner anally. It works for any gender and any orientation.
- Start smaller than you think: a first dildo around 5 inches long and about 1 inch wide, in silicone, with a flared base.
- Harness fit matters: the dildo base must be wider than the O-ring, and the harness should sit snug on the pubic bone.
- The receiver sets the pace. Positions where they control depth, like riding, are best the first time.
- Thick lube, no numbing products, and stop at any sharp pain.
What is pegging, and why do people love it?
Pegging means one partner wears a strap-on and penetrates the other partner anally. The word usually describes a woman pegging a man. In practice, people of every gender and orientation enjoy it, and the same skills apply to any strap-on sex, anal or vaginal.
For people with a prostate, part of the appeal is anatomy. The prostate is a walnut-sized gland that sits below the bladder and in front of the rectum (Cleveland Clinic). A curved dildo can press toward it through the front wall of the rectum, toward the belly. People without a prostate enjoy anal play too, for the fullness and sensation. The wearer often enjoys the role, the view and the control, and many harnesses hold a small vibrator against them.
Wanting to try pegging says nothing about anyone's sexual orientation. Liking a sensation isn't an identity.
Talk about it first
Bring it up outside the bedroom, with curiosity rather than a pitch. Useful questions:
- What part appeals to each of you: the sensation, the role reversal, the closeness?
- Has the receiver tried anal play before, with fingers or a plug? If not, start there.
- What is off limits, and what words or roles feel good or bad?
- How will you say stop or slow down? "Yellow" and "red" work well.
- How will you handle hygiene? A towel, a condom over the dildo and a no-shame rule cover most worries.
Consent should be freely given, informed, enthusiastic, specific, and reversible at any time (Planned Parenthood). If either of you is hesitant, plan a slower step first, like a finger or a small plug. Our guide on how to use a butt plug is a good warm-up.
Choosing a harness
A harness holds the dildo against the wearer's pubic bone, so their hips move it. There are four main styles.
| Harness style | How it sits | Pros | Consider |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jock (strap) harness | Waist strap plus two straps around the thighs or under the cheeks | Very adjustable, stable, often fits a wide size range | More buckles to set up the first time |
| Brief or boxer harness | Worn like underwear, with an O-ring at the front | Comfortable, quick to put on, feels like clothing | Needs the right clothing size |
| Thigh harness | A padded strap around one thigh | Great for riding positions, gentle on the hips | Less hip control for thrusting |
| Strapless (double-ended) strap-on | One bulb is held inside the wearer's vagina, with no straps | Both partners feel the movement | Takes pelvic floor strength and practice. Not ideal for a first time |
O-rings, explained
The O-ring is the hole the dildo passes through. The dildo's base has to be wider than the ring so it can't slip through. Rings of about 1.5 inches are common, and many harnesses include swappable rings so you can fit different toys. The Tantus Bend Over Beginner Kit includes 1.48-inch and 1.53-inch rings. Silicone or rubber rings grip better and feel softer than metal. Choose a ring that's snug around the dildo's shaft, so the toy doesn't wobble or droop.
Fit for every body
Check the waist or hip range before you buy. The b-Vibe Beginners Strap-On Harness Set fits up to a 68-inch waist, and the Tantus Bend Over harness fits up to 60-inch hips. If the dildo points down or flops, tighten the straps and move the ring higher, over the pubic bone rather than the belly.
Choosing a first dildo for pegging
- Size: about 4 to 6 inches insertable, and about 1 inch wide or less. Realistic 7-inch and larger dildos can wait.
- Material: body-safe silicone. It's non-porous, warms up quickly and cleans properly. Skip jelly or "rubber" toys.
- Flared base: it holds the toy in the harness and makes it safe for anal use.
- Gentle curve: curved and P-spot dildos angle toward the prostate. A straight, smooth shaft is easiest for a first time.
- Medium firmness: too floppy and it bends on entry, too hard and it's unforgiving.
| Kit or dildo | What's included | Size (maker's specs) | Price |
|---|---|---|---|
| b-Vibe Beginners Strap-On Harness Set | Harness, curved silicone dildo with suction base, 3 O-rings, bullet pocket | 5-inch dildo | $49.95 |
| b-Vibe Every Body Strap-On Harness Set | Padded harness, tapered silicone dildo with suction base, 3 O-rings | 6-inch dildo | $69.95 |
| Tantus Bend Over Beginner Kit | Machine-washable harness, two silicone dildos, bullet vibrator, 2 O-rings | 4.25 x 0.8 in and 5.5 x 1 in | $129.95 |
| Tantus Curve G-Spot Dildo | Stepped, curved silicone dildo, harness compatible | Not listed; firm yet flexible | $79.95 |
The Tantus Bend Over Beginner Kit ($129.95) is the most beginner-friendly in that table, because two sizes let you start small and size up later. The b-Vibe Beginners set ($49.95) is the best value. Its suction base also lets the receiver practice solo against a smooth wall or floor. For a second toy, the Tantus Curve ($79.95) has a stepped curve designed for G-spot or P-spot pressure. Step up to the b-Vibe Every Body set ($69.95) once 5 inches feels easy.
A strapless strap-on suits experienced couples, since the wearer has to hold the bulb in with their pelvic floor. We don't have one in stock right now, so we'd steer a first-timer to a harness anyway.
Prep for the receiver
- Use the bathroom about 30 minutes beforehand and shower. If you douche, use plain warm water, shallowly, and not too often, since frequent douching can irritate the lining (Cleveland Clinic).
- Trim nails. The wearer's fingers do the warm-up.
- Warm up with arousal and touch, then one lubed finger, then two, or a small plug. Don't go from zero to strap-on.
- Lay out a towel, lube, condoms, wipes and water within reach.
Lube and condoms
The anus doesn't make its own lubrication, and its lining is thin and tears easily, so use lube generously and reapply often (Cleveland Clinic). A thick water-based anal lube such as JO Anal Thick (from $19.95) is safe with every silicone dildo. Silicone lube lasts longer, but silicone and oil-based lubes can make silicone toys degrade faster (WebMD). Use it over a condom, or check the toy maker's guidance and patch-test first. Our guide to lube types explains the trade-offs. Skip numbing products: pain is the signal to slow down.
A condom over the dildo makes cleanup faster. It also matters if you switch partners, or move from anal to vaginal play. Change condoms between partners and between holes.
Best pegging positions for beginners
| Position | Who controls depth | Why it works first time |
|---|---|---|
| Receiver on top (riding) | Receiver | They lower themselves at their own speed. This is the best first position. |
| Spooning | Shared | Shallow, slow and intimate. Easy to pause and talk. |
| On the back, knees up, pillow under hips | Wearer, with eye contact | Face to face, and easy to see reactions and use a hand or vibrator. |
| Doggy style | Wearer | Deeper and more intense. Save it for once you know what feels good. |
For more ideas and the toys that help, see best sex positions.
How to use a strap-on, step by step
- Put the harness on before things heat up. Adjust it while standing, then check the dildo points forward, not down.
- Warm up the receiver with fingers or a plug until they feel relaxed and ready.
- Lube the dildo and the opening. Put a condom on the dildo first if you're using one.
- Let the receiver guide the tip in. They can hold the shaft or reach back and set the angle. The wearer stays still.
- Pause after the tip is in. Wait for the muscles to relax, and breathe together.
- Go slowly and shallowly at first. Move from the hips with small rolls, not big thrusts. Strap-ons give the wearer less feedback than a body part, so keep a hand on the base to feel depth.
- Talk. "More?" "Slower?" "Angle up?" A curved dildo pointed toward the receiver's belly finds the prostate more easily.
- Pull out slowly when you're done, with fresh lube if anything drags.
Comfort tips for the wearer
- Thrusting uses the glutes and core. Take breaks, and switch positions before you get tired.
- A vibrator in the harness pocket, or a hand between you, makes it fun for the wearer too.
- If the harness rubs, a thin pair of underwear underneath helps, or try a brief-style harness.
Cleaning and aftercare
- Dildo: wash with warm water and mild soap or toy cleaner. Tantus lists the Curve dildo as top-rack dishwasher safe. Check your maker's instructions before boiling. Our guide to cleaning sex toys covers every material.
- Harness: follow the label. The Tantus Bend Over harness can go in the washing machine in a delicates bag, but remove the bullet first, and hang it to dry.
- Bodies: water, a cuddle and a check-in. Some mild soreness can happen. Sharp pain, heavy bleeding, or bleeding an hour or more after sex is a reason to see a doctor (Cleveland Clinic).
Want more prostate play? Read best prostate massagers and prostate milking, and see the lube guide best lube for anal. Everything ships in plain packaging, with free standard shipping over $75. Our seven boutiques are judgment-free places to see harnesses in person. This guide is general information, not medical advice.
